| Episodes |
That's what all men say!
Emre Turan
[1] "You decided! For fifty-four years. . . . It's Judgment Day! Instead of being black and a slave, I'm now free and white" (50). These are the words that come out of Sally's mouth after she learns that she and her family have been written as white on the census records in Barbara Chase-Riboud's 1979 novel Sally Hemings. This sentence actually has everything that needs to be told to readers about the scene containing the letter and diary burning (50-54). Sally is in the middle of three conflicts. She cannot decide whether to accept her past or to forget it, to be white or black or both at the same time. She also cannot decide on her feelings about Thomas Jefferson or Nathan Langdon.
[2] Sally has been very certain and confident about her past until this scene. Rather than digging up her past over and over again, she decides to accept what has happened and think only of her future. However, when she hears about being recorded as white, she becomes angry and reveals the conflict that has probably been kept inside her throughout her life. However, with Nathan, she gets angry about leaving her past behind to be white. She feels such desperation because even her identity is now decided by white men. "You've left me nothing of my own. Not even my color" indicates exactly how much Sally is fed up with being commanded by white men about her race (52). Even though she wanted a simple life without anyone interfering with her past, her dream is always ruined by one of the white men. Although white men seem to value her beauty and her character, they never give up ruling her life. This makes her feel vulnerable and drags her into a conflict with her past.
[3] After her reaction to defend her past, ironically enough, Sally decides to burn her black past represented by her letters and diaries and forget every minute she has spent as a slave of Thomas Jefferson. She burns every second of her life in a very calm manner. She does not feel bad about burning her past. She feels relief from what is gnawing her inside. Chase-Riboud says, "She burned it. She felt a deep calm. She no longer feared anything; not death itself" (54). It was such a relief from her past life that she does not even fear death. Leaving a life spent under pain, fear, and others' wills is what she has always been living for, and now it is becoming real. Being free of all those concerns and problems makes her relieved and calm that she could have sacrificed her past and could defend against everything until her death. In the end, she decides to forget all about her past. She decides to listen to no one but her own heart. She decides that it is not important whether she is white or black, as long as she is herself.
[4] By comparing the older Sally burning her letters with the young version of herself, unaware of anything, Chase-Riboud makes an attention-grabbing contrast on how she feels about life itself and her master Thomas Jefferson. This attempt makes the reader wonder about Sally's previous life and how she came to a situation in which she burned her diaries about her past, for it shows that she is also mixed on her feelings about Thomas Jefferson. She does not know and did not ever know if she loved her master as a woman loving her man or as a slave loving her master.
[5] Elsewhere in the book, while in a conversation with Jefferson after their first lovemaking, Jefferson tells Sally that he loves her, and Sally decides to say only "Merci, Monsieur" (103). However, overall in the book, she seems to love her master, Thomas Jefferson. Burning her diaries is also a rebellion against this conflict too. Sally loves Thomas Jefferson heartily but being a black woman and a slave keeps her away from revealing her love. Sometimes, she gets angry with herself just because of her love towards Jefferson. Burning her diaries is one of those significant times; she rebels against the world and everything around her. When she says "For fifty-four years I've been Thomas Jefferson's creature and now . . . now you decide it's time for me to be yours" (50), her feelings toward Jefferson are clearly seen. For Sally, there were two Thomas Jeffersons: one was master and the other was the man whom she loved. However, sometimes they were mixed up both in reality and in her mind.
[6] There is one last thing that is all mixed up for Sally, and it is Nathan Langdon himself. Nathan is actually just another white man for Sally. Since she is relatively old in this scene, she has learned from painful experiences not to trust any white man. She continuously compares and contrasts Nathan with Jefferson. She never trusts him sincerely and completely at all. Every move Nathan takes makes her concerned. Sally, for instance, interprets his recording of her as white in a very harsh way. Sally's reaction to it is, "You didn't do it for me. You didn't even know me. You did it for him. To make him not guilty" (51). In this situation Nathan seems to be just a census taker and nothing more to her. However, on the other hand, she says, "It will end, Nathan . . . and I shall miss you" (45). Obviously, she feels something towards Nathan, too. Again, she is in conflict as she is in any other subject. Burning letters and diaries is also a rebellion against Nathan not just Thomas Jefferson. Actually Nathan Langdon is just an image of white men but nothing else. Therefore, with burning her past, she also burned Langdon in the fire.
[7] Burning her past with all her conflicts, Sally is free for the first time in her whole life from her concerns about past. Like an infant with a long life in front of her, she starts a new life forgetting all about what happened to her fifty-four years. She stops worrying about what has happened and starts to look at what is happening. Actually, this is how life should be. Life is neither past nor future. Life is now, and now is the time to change some things -- just like burning a past that brought pain and unhappiness.
